A Message From Time Itself

Dear past self,

Hope you are as handsome as ever.

I am writing to you through this boxy screen with funny symbols on it. I am very much used to the tactile directness of “The Game” in my ceaseless efforts to attain The Almighty Butt. As I travel every foreseeable dimension through the Portal Potties (you genius you!), I begin to wonder the very nature of existence itself. Who is more me or you than you or me? Maybe it’s you and me. Maybe I’m hungry. I miss yogurt pretzels dearly.

I have very important news for you regarding your future which is my present. “The Game” as you know it will change. It will be wonky and bloopy and make whir sounds and you will get mad you did not save and wasted all your time. But trust me that it is for the best! The only thing that is inevitable after all is change. And yummy peanut brittle.

This is ultimately unhelpful, but in hindsight it will all make sense! I am reading this very message and am realizing exactly what it means as I write it to you! Hindsight is a gift! It’s also what will allow us to get to the Almighty Butt! We have much more discover and many allies to meet and many tries to try and many fries to eat!

We are very hungry and we are geniuses! Just remember to never forget! HAGS. Summer is meant to be enjoyed! Like a nice cool lemonade on the table! Mmm… lemonade. On top of that, do not stress! None of this may be real and time is not linear! This could be a simulation or a dream or a nice vegan bacon wrapped vegan dog with gluten free buns! This will all make sense soon my independent me!

Love,

Doc Tor

Sisig Tater Tots are scrumptious!